i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
