So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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