theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I love you.
Bad choice
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
