He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
