I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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