I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
