i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
