I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
