i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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