So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Dignity is for republicans.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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