omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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