Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
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