i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The best revenge is premature balding
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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