she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
