I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i will never coherently bang her
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
