I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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