How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize