I wish I could teleport
This is not my ceiling
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
