Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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