I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I will pee on everything he values.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize