She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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