Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
