I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
