I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
