Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
