yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
