I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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