Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize