dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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