i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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