ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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