I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize