allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
