pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
