I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
