As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
