My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
