I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
