I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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