I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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