I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
