I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
