dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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