I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
this beer tastes like vomit already
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
