He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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