The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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