also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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