Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize