We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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