If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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