marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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