I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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