I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize