So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
