I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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