Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
