i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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