too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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