I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
