everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
