yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
