I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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