so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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