I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just threw up on my dentist
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
