There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
