I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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