After last night, I could never be a politician.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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