Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize