You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
