Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
