having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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