I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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