you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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