Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
