I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
