she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
