so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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