did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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