I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
