I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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