I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
