I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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