how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
