YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
