one might say we're banned from that church
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
