I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We got so high we made milksteak
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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