DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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