Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
