Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We're too hungover to prance.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
