Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
