My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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